and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
