I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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