He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
why is half of my head shaved?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
