dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
