I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
