i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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