I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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