I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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