I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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