Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
