the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
