And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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