Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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