Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
