why didn't you poke me back
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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