Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
