Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
