I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
