we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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