My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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