i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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