If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
