She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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