so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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