the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
