SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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