True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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