just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
