I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
