just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
