Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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