we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
