Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
