Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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