We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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