just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she pinky promised me she was 18
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
