my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is Oprah even human
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
