I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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