The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize