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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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