I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
