i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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