I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
