honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
