I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
