i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
