Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
