I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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