I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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