no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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