if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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