dude i'm inner monologue high
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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