If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
