tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
