i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
