Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
