Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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