worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize