i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
