My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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