We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
