Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
