just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Blood and glitter go together right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
