please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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