He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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