I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
