fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone signed my nipple.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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