How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
