So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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