oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
