Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
