What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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