the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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