The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
