he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
