i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
