no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
