Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
