shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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