I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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