she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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