i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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