peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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