Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
