the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
