dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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