She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
